Crack!Chapter Eight of "Spoiled for Choice": like an AU but HORRIBLE

[x_losfic]

gothic_hamlet: *HAS COME UP WITH A STUNNING IDEA FOR SPOILED FOR CHOICE*
gothic_hamlet: When coming out of his coma, in his weakened state, the Doctor has in fact fallen victim to the cheetah virus
gothic_hamlet: And so to prove his truuuuueee luuuuufff, the Master becomes a cheetahman as well.
gothic_hamlet: And turns the Valliant into a whimsical jungle, full of antelope and water buffalo
Chapter 8 is full of hot and steamy cheetahsex, as well as a special appearance of goosnake* aka the water moccasin that lives down in the basement
gothic_hamlet: For it was then that the Master realized that his grand evil empire was worthless and dull compared to the sight of the Doctor chomping away at a steaming deer carcass.
Me: YES?
gothic_hamlet: YES.
Me: YES!
Me: AUGH
Me: I HATE YOU SOOOOO MUCH
gothic_hamlet: I THINK YOU MEAN "LOVE AND AM GOING TO WRITE THIS IN CHAPTER 8"

*Goosnake: Our ‘affectionate’ name for whatever the fuck happened to the Master in the eight movie, where he gained magical freakin’ powers and transformed into what appears to be part Cobra, part one of those goo toys with the plastic wrappers that slide in your hands and are hard to hold onto and may have like little fish inside, all Time Lord.

Comments

[skipthedemon.livejournal.com]

The TV movie was so Eight's cracked out post-regeneration, OMG. Or that wasn't really they Master. Because. No. Just no.

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

God, I was so traumatized the first time I saw it. I had the whole 'wait, did Ainley!Master just die there in the beginning?! AUGH!' angst.

Yeah, no, it so can't be. I have a crack theory to explain this noise that I had to work into a following bit of this chapter. That's how much I can't deal with this being true: I had to write ELABORATE RETCON.

[hangingfire.livejournal.com]

Goosnake. XD

I must remember that.

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

Remember, or forget? x_x

[hangingfire.livejournal.com]

Well, the term merits remembering, anyway. The actual thing itself...

You know what's funny? I saw the Eight movie, back in the day (and still remember trying to explain to my boyfriend of the time that no, I really loved that show and it was cool and ...), but until very recently, I had completely forgotten that the Master was in it. It was like I'd blocked it from my memory or something.

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

I just wish I could remember the name the the squishy gel tube toy, though! Because he so clearly is one!

Um, I love repressing the trauma of the Master's being in the Eighth movie until you get Triggered. That's how bad.

[hangingfire.livejournal.com]

My Google-fu, let me show you it. ^_^ (That is what you were thinking of, I hope? And incidentally, there are some horrible things that come up when you google "slippery gel toy". >.<)

Yeah, it all came up a few months back when I was considering getting a tattoo of the Seal of Rassilon. One of my friends who was egging me on pointed out that rather than being a transitory fandom, Who was in for the long haul—having survived, among other things, Eric Roberts. I sort of went "huh?", followed by, "wait, the Master was in that movie?!" And then it all came crashing back...

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

YES you WIN! Yeah, wading through Those Other Results kind of killed my initial enthusiasm while attempting to find out. Your google-fu is impressive like Pertwee's kung-fu, but less embarrassing in 30 years.

I was considering getting a tattoo of the Seal of Rassilon.

AW.... AWWWWWW.

Yeah, Who!Fandom means you shake your head at the other franchises and think, "Flash in the pan! Where will they be in decades, when their favorable Mao Tse Tung references make them look Very Silly? My fandom frigging endures."

And just think of all the crossovers Erin Roberts enables! The Master is somehow involved in Danny Phantom! The L Word! The Dark Knight! Another World!

...let's never think about this, actually.

[hangingfire.livejournal.com]

Ahaha. Thanks. ^_^ Glad I could help.

(I did get that tattoo, as it happens.)

45 years this November. Beats Star Trek by three years. That's endurance.

*joins you in the not-thinking*

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

I like that it's red! I would have expected traditional, blase black, but no!

[prettyarbitrary.livejournal.com]

Don't forget Heroes! He was the bad guy in charge of The Company.

His voice in Danny Phantom was Very Sexy, though. Ooo, if only he'd talked to the Doctor like that. I could forgive a lot of goosnakes and weird green eyes for hearing the Master snarl-purr at the Doctor for an hour and a half.

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

Master snarl-purr at the Doctor for an hour and a half.

Guh. Yeah. Seconded.

...oh, Survival

I haven't seen Heroes, though I know I have to because I'm not at all secretly in total love with Christopher Eccleston.

[prettyarbitrary.livejournal.com]

I strongly suspect Claude Rains will be right up your alley, and it will not help you to overcome your infatuation in the least.

Also he spends a lot of time around Peter, and Peter's not bad either especially in the second season where they keep taking his shirt away and is it me or are necklaces on men really damn sexy?. *cough* Anyway, moving on...

YEE! A new installment of Spoiled for Choice! Not like I'm completely obsessed with that story or anything... >.>''

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

He's just so good in everything. I mean it. Anchoress, Revengers Tragedy (where he and Eddie Izzard and Derek Jacobi hang out and recite Middleton lines at each other and I die of win), Second Coming? All awesome.

are necklaces on men really damn sexy?,

*cough* kinda yeah.

Ha. When it comes back from beta (probably sometime today) there's another bit of 8 up as well. They finally get sex! It's been paaaaaages.

[evilawyer-fic.livejournal.com]

one of those goo toys with the plastic wrappers that slide in your hands and are hard to hold onto and may have like little fish inside

Squishy penis toys! So much fun, and so handy to have around for cheetahsex! They used to sell them at DiscoveryWorld, which was a PBS-related products shop. So educational, yet they inexplicably stopped selling them for some reason. That was a tragic decision that no doubt lead directly to the demise of the store. If you can't walk into to a store, grab one of those things and throw it at your S.O. and yell "Hey, catch this penis-thingy! And it's your turn to pay", what good is a store?

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

What WAS the educational purpose of the penis-thingy? Like, 'how to handle a foreskin, should you run across that rare beast on safari in the wilds of a back of a Carolla when you're 16: a primer?'

"Hey, catch this penis-thingy! And it's your turn to pay", what good is a store?

Oh the places you'll go Oh the children you'll traumatize...

[evilawyer-fic.livejournal.com]

What WAS the educational purpose of the penis-thingy?

Some sublime, I always figured. It couldn't have been just to teach customers how to snork behind your hand loudly and obnoxiously in a public place or --- even more traumatizing to the children --- rub against your cheek (or have it rubbed against your cheek for you) and go "ooh, that feels goood". Although it did serve exceptionally well for those two educational goals, too.

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

Ah, life lessons...