Two Completely Traumatizing D/M Drabbles

[x_losfic]

Written as part of an on-going competition to out-crack gothic_hamlet. Sorry about 3 little postlets in one day! *boggles* I'm never as much of an f-list clog as this!

Title: Less Subtle

Author: x_los 

Rating: R

Pairing: Ten/Master

Summary: Ten/Laser Screwdriver (which is actually less dildo-esque than the TCE). Title is from the flavor-text of the Laser Screwdriver toy advertisement, which describes it as a less subtle version of the Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver.

Exactly 100 words, excepting the title.


This was bad. This was psychotic, co-dependent, ‘nowhere near the appropriate stages of grief’ bad. You were supposed to write Year of Magical Thinking, or up stakes to Boca, not—

He eased the tool in. Bigger and better than his, as the Master had (repeatedly) observed on the Valliant. Ribbed with none-too-subtle ridges, as if it were designed with this, with him, in mind. Considering all the times the Master had violated him in the manner he was trying so desperately to recreate, it probably had been. He choked on a laugh. The Master had been right. Who’d have sonic?




Title: "No, Seriously, The Enemy Within"

Author: x_los 

Rating: R

Pairing:  Eight/Master

Summary: Eight/Goosnake!Master (oh sweet god no)

Exactly 100 words, excepting the title.



“How did you manage to take snake form?” the Doctor panted, “Or escape the Eye of Harmony? Or—”

“Shhh,” the Master hissed (It might have just been ‘Sssss’—hard to tell.). As a gooey cobra, he twined up into the Doctor in ways he’d never managed while anthropomorphic.

“Guh!” the Doctor squeaked, struggling, pawing at the toolbox he’d brought to fix the Eye for leverage. The strong serpentine body curled around his leg had other plans. It snapped him back, slinked from his arse and gagged him until he lost consciousness.

The Master slithered off to restore his body, smugly satisfied.

Comments

[x-bluerose-x.livejournal.com]

Yup you've succeeded into not quite completely traumatizing me but omgs, the mental images. My brain, my poor brain....

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

At least you didn't have to think about it to write it! *sob*

[reserve.livejournal.com]

*clearly has issues* Cuz I thought the first one was HOT HOT HOT!

[x-los.livejournal.com]

What's funny? I was simultaneously leaving you a comment on your lj when the little gmail notice popped up. Spooky!

Here's that!

"OH HAI THAR. This girl I know wrote Donna/Romana II with a hint towards /Ten at the end. ( http://darthsemicolon.livejournal.com/642915.html?#cutid1 ) Thought you might like to know that. I'mma use my Disconcerting Attractive icon to tell you this. It's like coordinating a good outfit, in a way.

...also rich old new widows move to Boca sometimes, right? Or am I on crack? *needs to be sure drabble makes sense*"

[reserve.livejournal.com]

IZ LOCKED! YOU LINKED ME TO LOCKED ENTRY.

*TAZES YOU*

[x-los.livejournal.com]

Oh noez! I'll ask her to do something about that for you, b/c it's good and deserves to be read. *nod nod*

[x-los.livejournal.com]

http://community.livejournal.com/quillofrassilon/12705.html

Here you go!

[pink-soprano.livejournal.com]

Pass the brain bleach! Quick!

Truly brilliantly cracky and traumatising! Well done! :P

[x-los.livejournal.com]

Thanks you! I sincerely hope that, for someone, everything is ruined forever.

[order_of_chaos]

Oh, wow! I can't believe you did that. Or that.
*grins contentedly*
I love your brain.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

Ha! I'm so glad someone love my brain, because I was torn between the urge to cackle Ainley-style and the urge to curl up into a ball and cryyyyy.

[order_of_chaos]

...Simm!Master style.

Master: NOOOOOOO, NOT FORGIVENESS! ANYTHING BUT FORGIVENESS!
Doctor: [mercilessly] I forgive you for everything.

[thesoulwithin.livejournal.com]

Is it just me, or is that first one amazing?

As for the second drabble.... someone get me something to delete the mental images!

[x-los.livejournal.com]

As much as I bitch about the first one being cracky, I kind of like it too. :)

Muahahaha. There is no forgetting this drabble. But don't blame me, blame whoever the hell on that production team first said "Time Lords can like, morph into gooey snake things, right? Yeaaaaah, that'll be awesome."

[daisyrainwater.livejournal.com]

O.My.Gahd.

I'm traumatized by my thinking these are hawt.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

HA! The greatest victory is making someone be squicked by themselves.

Man, today is just gonna be FULL of evil cackling, isn't it?

[aralias.livejournal.com]

you are a bad person. in the 'i don't think my brain will ever be clean again' way, rather than in the 'ooooooagjajg... i'll be in my bunk' way.

*tries to wash brain*

*fails*

agh&*((^(&^£@%)@% L:@ <-- mess.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

I'm beyond good and evil. Except unlike the book of the same name, I don't suck completely, and am capable of regretting what I've done. Does it help to know that while your brain may eventually forget, I had to WRITE these, and so probably never can? O_O

[aralias.livejournal.com]

it does, yes. a bit. still, you are in with a chance at that 'no bondries' award we were talking of anon. much covetted in the internet set :)

[x-los.livejournal.com]

God, I don't think of myself as sans-boundaries at all. I'm such a fluffy bunny who can't deal with the idea of anyone mucking around with my otp. And I quail in the face of torture, sex related or otherwise. Thanks for the nod, but I'm pretty sure I loose hard.

[iyoku.livejournal.com]

Mrrrr ... I'm going to need at least a week of heavy drinking to get the images of poor sad Eight out of my head.

Ten and the screwdriver on the other hand can stay ;)

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

I've driven so many people to drink with this! I'm equally proud and horrified!

Well I'm glad your head got a welcome tenant out of it at any rate.

WOW that pun is AMAZING. And PAINFUL. Awesome!

[evilawyer.livejournal.com]

You're right. The TCE was definitely more dildo-ish. But now, I've got to look for a picture of the laser screwdriver because I can't remember if the ridges circle around the head or run down it. It matters, you know. Great drabbles. (And I love the 'Sssss').

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

It matters, you know.

Since you mentioned it my first impulse was to run off and check myself. My second was to *headdesk.*

Thanks! Though the girl I was trying to out-horrify just drew a parallel between the Goosnake 'Ssss' and Sir Hiss in the Disney Robin Hood movie without batting an eye, and then suggested that they could spice up their love-life with role-playing games along that line, and I died inside.

[tilly-stratford.livejournal.com]

OMG. You have made that movie just a little bit more traumatizing. I bet my left kidney I'll have unwholesome images popping up in my mind the next time I watch it.

The first one, though, is oddly hot.

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

Gawd that movie. Will the unwholesome images be better than what's on screen? Probably.

Thanks! I kind of like it too. :)

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

Okay, I do have to amend hatin' on the movie though: I love Eight completely. But I haven't heard/read enough good stuff with him! So it's hard to write him outside of crackiest crack. If you know of any particularly fun audios/comics, you should tell me so, and name names. ;p

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

I expected crack, but this was more like a look into the minds of one or two psychopaths.
And I like that a lot! Even tough the first one was almost painful to read.

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

Even tough the first one was almost painful to read.

Whether that was because it was kind of sad or because it was admittedly perhaps squicky, I'm glad you liked.

[lilas.livejournal.com]

First one was hot, sad, and funny at the same time. Second was hot and loltastic. Well done! :D

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Oh poor, poor Eight. You and goosnake!Master's love was too squishy to last *wince*. And I cannot get over the pure blood-curdling terror of your icon. Thanks for that.

[boulette-sud.livejournal.com]

That was both crazy and hot. Totally crazy XD

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I think I aim for that response. But it's hard to tell. Because of the crazy.

[clocketpatch]

THAT'S NOT RIGHT!!!

and now I am traumatised

(always knew that goosnake was up to no good)

[x-losfic.livejournal.com]

I KNOW! *cries*

Yeah, goosnake!Master so had ulterior motives behind the Worst Pokemon Evolution Ever. Sad (and HORRIFYING), but true.

[lullabee-lj.livejournal.com]

AAAAAARGH. I cannot even bring myself to ship Eight/Master, just because I'm too clucky about poor li'l Eight. You hurted my brainmeats and I think my ovaries are angry. Not to say it's a bad fic, of course, but I will be disturbed all day...

And the first one is even awesomer. It's amusing, but at the same time... the angst actually kinda works. The really disturbing thing about these is that they're not utterly implausible...

[x-los.livejournal.com]

Oh let me assure you, I am squicked in equal measure. Who on the production team looked at one of those water-snake-gel-tube-slippy-toys and thought 'womg, THERE's our Master character design!'

Also, v. sorry re: your ovaries. Suggest immediate application of Less Scary Fic.

The really disturbing thing about these is that they're not utterly implausible...

It's hard to write PURE CRACK in a pairing this campalicious. It's too hard to come back from canon 'i messed up teh magna cartaz 4 uuuuu!' for anything to seem terribly crazed anymore...

[sjc811.livejournal.com]

Wow - finally a reason to rewatch that movie.