Jo/Master Humor Crack: Never Tell gothic_hamlet You're Procrastin

[x_losfic]

Let me preface this by saying that Jo Abuse and Jo and Delgado!Master doing anything more than sharing a sundae while they bitch about the Doctor is my ultimate squick. DAMN YOU, gothic_hamlet   !

 x_los     :I HAVE TO GET OFF THIS MEME

AND

LIKE

DO WORK

2:13 PM ....*reads moar*

2:26 PM gothic_hamlet     : NO

GO STUDY

...FACE

2:27 PM x_los     : l.fghjbioewlhsjSTFU

gothic_hamlet     : IF YOU DONT STUDY, I"M GOING TO WRITE YOU HORRIBLE MASTER FIC

x_los     : PFFFFFFFT

gothic_hamlet     : AKA WITH JO IN A RED WIG (A/N: This is part of an old joke about the offspring of Shabalom Glitz and Mel Bush (after the whole 'and they they ran off in a ludicrous floating pink ice castle in space' debacle), unlovingly dubbed THE GLITZYBUSH. There's surrounding lore. And Old Gregg jokes/references to Owen's Fishlips and the True And Real Origins of Jack Harkness. It's long, involved and horrible. You don't want to know.)

x_los     : TRY IT BEETCH

gothic_hamlet     : ONCE UPON A TIME

x_los     : !!!!!!!!!

NO NOT THE WIGJO

GOD STOP

gothic_hamlet     : THE MASTER LEFT THE DOCTOR

x_los     : NO

2:28 PM NO I will sign off as soon as I finish this comment!

gothic_hamlet     : "I'M LEAVING YOU," THE MASTER DECLARED, SOBBING THROUGH HIS TEARS. IT WAS SO CRUEL OF THE DOCTOR TO REFUSE TO DRESS UP IN THAT SPECIAL VICTORIAN DRESS.

x_los     : I HATE YOU SO MUCH

gothic_hamlet     : HE KNEW THAT IT WAS THE ONLY THREAD HOLDING TOGETHER THE MASTER'S MENTAL STABILITY.

BUT CLEARLY HE DIDN'T CARE.

AND SO HE PACKED UP ALL OF HIS SATIN SHEETS AND STOMPED OUT THE TARDIS DOOR.

x_los     : NOT THE SHEETS, HATE THE SHEETS AUGH!

2:29 PM

gothic_hamlet     : "SOMEWHERE," THE MASTER THOUGHT TO HIMSELF AS HE ATE OUT OF THE CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM PINT AND CRIED OVER SIXTEEN CANDLES, "SOMEWHERE THERE MUST BE SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME AS I AM."

2:30 PM IT WAS AROUND HERE THAT THE MASTER FORMED HIS PLAN TO KIDNAP JO GRANT AND KEEP HER AS HIS SEX SLAVE.

x_los     : STOP

gothic_hamlet     : FOR REASONS WE WILL NOT GO INTO BECAUSE JUSTIFYING PLOT IS HARD AND I DONT FEEL LIKE IT

"I'LL NEVER LOVE YOU, MASTER!" JO DECLARED FROM HER SATIN-PADDED CELL.

2:31 PM "I HATE THESE SEXY, SEXY HIGH HEELS THAT YOU MAKE ME WEAR. AND LEATHER IS ITCHY. NO I DO NOT WANT TO GIVE YOU A SLUTTY BEARDWASH AGAIN."

x_los     : CRY

2:32 PM gothic_hamlet     : THE MASTER THEN OFFERED HER THE DOCTOR'S OLD SET OF VICTORIAN MAID CLOTHING, WHICH JO GLADLY PUT ON, ALONG WITH A CURLY RED WIG TO COMPLETE THE EFFECT.

AND SO THE MASTER'S SOOPER GENIUS PLAN CAME TO FRUITATION.

AND HE AND JO HAD SEXCAPADES FOREVER MORE.

MEANWHILE, THE DOCTOR HAD A THREESOME WITH JACK AND THE SUN (A/N: an oblique, cracky reference to an upcoming bit of Spoiled for Choice: but do not headesk, there will be no Doctor/Jack OR Doctor/The Sun in there)

THE END

VOMITS

2:34 PM x_los     : I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN

EVER

gothic_hamlet     : ME NEITHER. :___;